People find abusers to be charismatic, assertive and self-reliant. The predator can be impulsive, and has a quick temper. They’ll restrain themselves if necessary. These two roles keep others from seeing the violent side and it hides the insecurities, self-esteem issues. These problems and the inability to express hurt, fear, sadness, that’ll cause the predator to resort to violent methods, the way they’re taught as children. The assailant continues to keep the emotions bottled up until they explode and takes their anger out on the mate.
If you look at the childhood you’ll find an abnormal attachment to the mother, and they’ve been rejected, beaten emotional, mentally and physically and possibly humiliated by the father. The mom’s loving one day and distant the next day. This gives the child mixed feelings, which causes insecurities.
Usually, the antagonist brings in income and makes final decisions. They’ll need to feel successful both at home and work, wants constant praise, but never asks for it because that’ll show weakness. The perpetrator has complete control over the lover’s lives and be very possessive and believes they own them.
Many try to isolate the target and seldom has close friends. If authority’s question the attacker become abusive, blaming the partner or others for the actions. The destruction can be emotional, physical, or mental. The attacker rationalizes the actions by saying things like, if you’d just do what I asked I won’t hit you, or deny the incident occurred. Drugs and alcohol’s shown to play a part in the violence while only a small percent has a mental illness.
Types of Abuse
This includes, but isn’t limited to hitting, punching, slapping, shoving, kicking, throwing, choking, pinched, burning, hair pulling, being force fed, use of a weapon, tie, or pinning the target.
Unnecessary, unwelcome touch, forcing intercourse. Causing pain during sex. Withholding, or using sex to punish. Showing someone pornography, or telling dirty jokes against their will, giving explicit details about sexual affairs, treating someone like a sex object, sexual accusations.
Yelling, screaming, breaking objects, throwing items around the room hitting something. Beating a pet, creating fear through looks, actions, or showing a weapon,
Fits of anger, or ignoring the spouse. Belittlin’, name calling, brainwashing, blaming, denying the incident happened. Attacking the targets beliefs.
Put down, playing mind games, blaming the victim for everything, causing the person to feel guilty, useless and helpless. Lack of privacy, making the target believe they’re losing their mind. Humiliating, scolding, yelling at the sufferer in public, treating the prey like a child, having the suffer check in often, denying basic rights, including decisions. Forcing the victim to degrade themselves, show no interest in the mates work, hobbies.
Setting limits on when and how long the target can be out, forcing the victim to disclose every movement as the abuser monitors the activities. The perpetrator could show a lack of affection to punish. The attacker might turn people against them, or make it difficult for the person to visit friends without being criticized, or humiliated. The batterer could listen in on phone calls, reading mail, emails and prevent medical treatment,
The antagonist doesn’t allow their prey any money, making the sufferer ask for basic necessities. If the lover obtains money the perpetrator could steal it, or force the person account for every penny. The victim’s unemployed, or finds it difficult to keep a job.
Making and possible following through with the threats. Coercion also includes using threats to force them into doing things; dropping criminal charges, illegal activities, having sex
Threaten to harm, or kill the prey. Showing the victim weapons, or playing with a weapon in front of the sufferer. Tieing something around the neck as they threaten to choke their prey.
Withholding the basic necessities, food, water, housing, clothes, medical, personal hygiene. Lack of safety concerns.
Signs of a Batterer
Wants complete control over everything.
The predator has abandonment issues.
Extremely jealous, says the mate’s flirting when she’s not
Believes people’s cheating.
Wants to spend every minute with his partner.
Had some type of childhood shame which resurfaces if rejected.
gets mad or becomes verbally abusive if she tries to help.
Very suspicious and often overreacts to the slightest thing.
They’ll find fault in everything she does, says. A defense mechanism learned and used from early childhood. It gives the assailant a reason to push her away, not let her get too close. So they won’t have to risk being rejected, abandoned.
As time progresses the abuser believes all women are disloyal and be skeptical of everyone.
Stages of Abuse
In the beginning, he’s madly in love, feels adequate complete. Then suspicion starts creeping in and his emotions start building. Eventually, he becomes angry. At first it’s just yelling, throwing things, slamming doors, punching walls, threatening her. Over time, it increases to physical violence and possible use of weapons.
Once he calms down, he’ll apologize, promising not to do it again. The batterer might shower her with love, gifts, treats her like a queen. She forgives the lover.
Everything’s going great. She makes excuses, covers up bruises, or explain it away. The sufferer refuses outside help. She’ll drop charges because in her mind it won’t happen again. For a while, it doesn’t then one day the violence starts. The beating’s worse than the last. It’ll continue to intensify until the partner either gets years of therapy, she leaves or she dies.
My book Town Slayer is about a battered wife, who after she’s released comes back and kills the batterers. Of course, you know murder’s illegal and immoral.
In reality a women’s beaten by her partner every second and a half, out of these women at least four dies.
I know your significant other says they’re sorry, it’ll never happen again, but please don’t believe it. The beatings become worse and then one day one of these dead women will be you.
If you don’t have anywhere to go, or they threatening to kill you if you leave. The police can and will protect you.
Please, call 911 or the number below, before it’s too late.
1800 799 SAFE that’s 1-800 799-7233.
No matter what your mate says you don’t deserve this, you’re on earth for a reason and you do matter! So please get help before it’s too late.